The Perfidious Lover
Jan. 14th, 2007 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oh_ameliaTitle: I'm Sorry
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hsbfc
Chapter: 18/?
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: language, sex
Summary: Justin moves to Pittsburgh after ending a four year relationship. What happens when he meets Brian and his past and present collide?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
CHAPTER 1:: CHAPTER 2:: CHAPTER 3:: CHAPTER 4:: CHAPTER 5:: CHAPTER 6:: CHAPTER 7:: CHAPTER 8:: CHAPTER 9:: CHAPTER 10:: CHAPTER 11:: CHAPTER 12:: CHAPTER 13:: CHAPTER 14:: CHAPTER 15:: CHAPTER 16:: CHAPTER 17
“Oh, and also,” Derek added. “He’s the reason you decided to leave New York.”
Justin could feel his chest tighten and he turned his back on the two men. He dug his phone out of his pocket and called Nathan. All he said to him was that he needed him to come over. That’s all he ever needed to say. He made sure his emotions were in check and his expression blank before turning around.
“Get out,” he said as he tossed his cell phone on the coffee table. “Both of you. I don’t want to fucking look at either of you.”
“Justin.” Brian tried to reach for the blonde again.
“You especially.”
Brian wanted nothing more than to take Justin in his arms and take all his pain away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was the one who caused it. He looked into the blonde’s eyes and instead of the sparkling baby blues he normally saw, he was confronted with clouded pools of blue.
“This isn’t over, Justin,” he said determinedly. “I will call you. And we will talk.” He shoved past Derek and left reluctantly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to have a rational conversation with Justin until he calmed down some.
“Well,” Derek huffed. “He didn’t put up much of a fight.
Justin walked over to the door and slammed it shut, not caring that Derek was still standing in the doorway. He took off his coat, throwing it wherever, and stretched out on the couch. Only then did he allow the tears to flow.
Nathan entered the apartment minutes later and rushed to Justin. He lifted his friend up and sat down before resting the boy’s head on his lap. Justin clung to his leg and all he could think to do was to tell his friend that everything would be alright. He sat there until Justin’s breathing calmed and the sobs subsided.
~~~~~
Derek caught up with Brian outside the building. He grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” Brian yelled as he yanked his arm free.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Derek demanded to know.
“I’m trying to get away from you.”
“I’m talking about with Justin. What? You think that you can stop fucking me and start fucking my ex and I’m not going to do anything about it?”
“Fuck you,” Brian said as he turned to head to his Jeep.
“He’ll never forgive you, you know,” Derek said, stopping Brian dead in his tracks. He continued as the older man turned around. “He sees you as the reason our relationship went south. He’ll see you as the cause to all his problems. Hell, he’ll even blame you for breaking up our happy home. Who would have ever thought…Brian Kinney, the other man. And you know what? It wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth me losing him. I’m going to get him back, too.”
“There’s no fucking way that’ll ever happen. After all the shit you pulled while you two were together there’s no way he’ll go back to you.”
“You mean all the same shit you pull?”
“It’s different.”
“What? You told him upfront that you were gonna fuck around on him? Please,” Derek scoffed. “I spent 4 years with him. I know him. I know what to say. I’ll just tell him that you seduced me.”
“You might think you know him, but you obviously don’t know me. He'll never believe that.”
“Sure he will. It’s the same fucking thing you did to him. Hell, I’ll even tell him that you knew who he was all along. That he was just some sick game to you. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him back.”
“He’s just a trophy to you, something to fight over. The only reason you want him back now is because he doesn’t want you.”
“And I always win,” Derek said smugly. “I bet poor little Sunshine is so torn up after tonight. He’d love to have the comfort and familiarity of me back in his life.”
“You’re deluding yourself if you believe that shit. There’s no way he’ll let you back in his life.”
“And there’s no way after tonight that you’ll ever have the chance to refute anything I say to him.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not giving up without a fight, so be prepared,” Brian said as he turned and walked to the Jeep.
~~~~~
Justin let go of his grip on Nathan’s leg and sat up. He brought his knees up to his chest and was pulled close by his friend. He rested his head on the offered shoulder. “How could I have been so fucking stupid? I should have never let this happen. I should have never gotten involved with him. Why is it I fall for men who end up ripping my heart out? What’s so fucking wrong with me?”
“Nothing, Justin. Nothing’s wrong with you,” Nathan said quietly as he raked his fingers through his friend’s hair. He hated that Justin seemed to be reverting back to how he was when he was with Derek. “Tell me what the hell happened.”
“Derek is Brian’s big shot client from New York. He’s been fucking him the whole damn time. He’s the reason I decided to leave.”
“Justin.” Nathan sighed. “Don’t you think that, maybe, instead of kicking Brian out that you should have talked to him about this instead?”
“Why the hell should I?” Justin asked as he pulled himself out of Nathan’s grasp and stood up. A feeling of betrayal coursed through him. “There is nothing to fucking talk about! He didn’t try and deny anything. He didn’t have to. It was written all over his face!”
“Jus—” Nathan stood up to face his friend.
“No! He went into my home. He fucked my boyfriend in our bed! That’s the kind of person he is,” Justin exclaimed as he paced the living room. “He doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. All he cares about is getting his dick sucked.”
“Justin, you know that’s not true. You need to calm down.”
“Don’t you dare fucking tell me to calm down,” he spat. “I listened to you. I trusted you. You kept defending him. Hell, you’re still fucking defending him!”
“I’m not fucking defending him!” Nathan yelled. “I’m trying to make you see reason here.”
“What the fuck for?” Justin asked as he shook his head. “Everything we have been through has been tainted. It’s all fucked up and means nothing now!”
“You know you don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do. I have to. If I mean it then it won’t hurt.” Justin swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“But you need to feel it so you can get past this,” Nathan said as he tentatively took Justin in his arms. “Fuck. I should have just told you when the asshole called.” As soon as the words left his lips he felt Justin stiffen in his arms. He tried to keep his grasp, but the blonde jerked free. He watched with pain-filled eyes as his friend started pacing the living room again.
Justin took a deep breath and turned to face his best friend. “He called and you didn’t fucking tell me? How could you do that?! You know what I went through; you know everything! And you sure as hell know how I feel about honesty. Why, Nathan?” Justin asked as he shook his head in disbelief. “You were the one person I thought I could always count on. The only person I trusted completely.”
Nathan started toward his friend but stopped short when Justin’s hand came up and held him at a distance. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Justin glared at Nathan. “Get out.”
Nathan shook his head. “You know I cant do that.”
Justin gritted his teeth and raised his voice. “I said. Get. The. Fuck. Out!”
“No. I won’t leave you. Nothing you can say or do will make me leave you like this,” he said as he raked his fingers through his hair.
“Fine.” Justin headed to the door. “You stay, I’ll leave.”
“I’m sorry,” Nathan said as he grabbed Justin’s arm and turned him around. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you. I just wanted to protect you.”
Justin looked his friend in the eyes before he covered his face to suppress the sobs that were escaping him. His entire body was exhausted and he felt his legs give away. He fell, but was caught in a pair of strong arms before he could make contact with the floor. “I can’t do it again, Nathan, I can’t. I won’t survive it this time.”
“Yes you will, Justin. I’ll help you. I’m always going to be here for you. You won’t go through this alone,” Nathan whispered in his friend’s ear. He felt Justin’s arms wrap around his neck and he decided to take him to the bedroom.
He laid his friend on the bed and held him in his arms until he was sure he was asleep. He carefully stripped Justin down to his underwear and placed him under the covers. He looked down at the sleeping boy and brushed the hair off his forehead. He took a deep breath and headed to the living room. He sat down on the couch and reached for Justin’s cell phone. He hoped he was making the right decision.
~~~~~
The sound of the door opening brought Nathan out of his trance. He stood up and waited for Brian to close the door before speaking. “Sit,” he said as he motioned to the couch.
Brian took off his coat and sat down on the couch. He looked up at Nathan. “Thanks for calling me.”
“You have one fucking chance to make this right. Just one. If you fuck this up it might as well be the last fucking thing you ever do.”
“I’m not going to fuck it up,” Brian replied indignantly.
“Good. Because I’m basically betraying my best friend’s trust by having you here. The only reason you are, is because I know that he is better with you than without you. But, if you happen to prove me wrong, so help me God, there won’t be a place on the planet where you’ll be able to hide from me.”
“I never meant to hurt him.”
“But you did, Brian,” Nathan told the older man. “When he left Derek he didn’t cry or get upset. He just left. All he told me was that he was moving to Pittsburgh and to call him. He was just…indifferent. With you, though, I’ve never seen him like this.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “You have to fix this. You have to fix him. If you don’t think you can, then tell me now.”
“I’m gonna try,” Brian said as he stood up.
“Okay. I’m gonna go now,” Nathan said as he put on his coat and opened the door. “Remember what I said.”
“I will,” Brian said as he closed the door and headed to the bedroom. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened to his life. A couple months ago he wouldn’t be caught dead hoping that some twink would forgive him for fucking his ex-boyfriend. He’d just tell them to suck it up and fuck off. He walked slowly to the bed, his eyes trained on the blonde’s tear-stained face. He stripped down to his underwear and slid beneath the covers. He pulled the small frame against his body and wondered how he was going to fix the mess he was in.
Justin instinctively snuggled against the solid warm body. He rubbed his cheek on the smooth shoulder and hugged the warmth tightly. He breathed deeply. “Why am I never enough for the man I love?”
Brian’s breath hitched and he tightened his hold on the blonde. He could feel the wetness from Justin’s tears on his skin as he rubbed small soothing circles on the boy’s back. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. What have I done to you? His conversation with Derek kept replaying in his head and he couldn’t help but think that he quite possibly fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him. Maybe it was true. Maybe you really could fuck yourself.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Author:
hsbfc Chapter: 18/?
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: language, sex
Summary: Justin moves to Pittsburgh after ending a four year relationship. What happens when he meets Brian and his past and present collide?
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
CHAPTER 1:: CHAPTER 2:: CHAPTER 3:: CHAPTER 4:: CHAPTER 5:: CHAPTER 6:: CHAPTER 7:: CHAPTER 8:: CHAPTER 9:: CHAPTER 10:: CHAPTER 11:: CHAPTER 12:: CHAPTER 13:: CHAPTER 14:: CHAPTER 15:: CHAPTER 16:: CHAPTER 17
“Oh, and also,” Derek added. “He’s the reason you decided to leave New York.”
Justin could feel his chest tighten and he turned his back on the two men. He dug his phone out of his pocket and called Nathan. All he said to him was that he needed him to come over. That’s all he ever needed to say. He made sure his emotions were in check and his expression blank before turning around.
“Get out,” he said as he tossed his cell phone on the coffee table. “Both of you. I don’t want to fucking look at either of you.”
“Justin.” Brian tried to reach for the blonde again.
“You especially.”
Brian wanted nothing more than to take Justin in his arms and take all his pain away, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was the one who caused it. He looked into the blonde’s eyes and instead of the sparkling baby blues he normally saw, he was confronted with clouded pools of blue.
“This isn’t over, Justin,” he said determinedly. “I will call you. And we will talk.” He shoved past Derek and left reluctantly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to have a rational conversation with Justin until he calmed down some.
“Well,” Derek huffed. “He didn’t put up much of a fight.
Justin walked over to the door and slammed it shut, not caring that Derek was still standing in the doorway. He took off his coat, throwing it wherever, and stretched out on the couch. Only then did he allow the tears to flow.
Nathan entered the apartment minutes later and rushed to Justin. He lifted his friend up and sat down before resting the boy’s head on his lap. Justin clung to his leg and all he could think to do was to tell his friend that everything would be alright. He sat there until Justin’s breathing calmed and the sobs subsided.
~~~~~
Derek caught up with Brian outside the building. He grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” Brian yelled as he yanked his arm free.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Derek demanded to know.
“I’m trying to get away from you.”
“I’m talking about with Justin. What? You think that you can stop fucking me and start fucking my ex and I’m not going to do anything about it?”
“Fuck you,” Brian said as he turned to head to his Jeep.
“He’ll never forgive you, you know,” Derek said, stopping Brian dead in his tracks. He continued as the older man turned around. “He sees you as the reason our relationship went south. He’ll see you as the cause to all his problems. Hell, he’ll even blame you for breaking up our happy home. Who would have ever thought…Brian Kinney, the other man. And you know what? It wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth me losing him. I’m going to get him back, too.”
“There’s no fucking way that’ll ever happen. After all the shit you pulled while you two were together there’s no way he’ll go back to you.”
“You mean all the same shit you pull?”
“It’s different.”
“What? You told him upfront that you were gonna fuck around on him? Please,” Derek scoffed. “I spent 4 years with him. I know him. I know what to say. I’ll just tell him that you seduced me.”
“You might think you know him, but you obviously don’t know me. He'll never believe that.”
“Sure he will. It’s the same fucking thing you did to him. Hell, I’ll even tell him that you knew who he was all along. That he was just some sick game to you. I’ll do whatever it takes to get him back.”
“He’s just a trophy to you, something to fight over. The only reason you want him back now is because he doesn’t want you.”
“And I always win,” Derek said smugly. “I bet poor little Sunshine is so torn up after tonight. He’d love to have the comfort and familiarity of me back in his life.”
“You’re deluding yourself if you believe that shit. There’s no way he’ll let you back in his life.”
“And there’s no way after tonight that you’ll ever have the chance to refute anything I say to him.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not giving up without a fight, so be prepared,” Brian said as he turned and walked to the Jeep.
~~~~~
Justin let go of his grip on Nathan’s leg and sat up. He brought his knees up to his chest and was pulled close by his friend. He rested his head on the offered shoulder. “How could I have been so fucking stupid? I should have never let this happen. I should have never gotten involved with him. Why is it I fall for men who end up ripping my heart out? What’s so fucking wrong with me?”
“Nothing, Justin. Nothing’s wrong with you,” Nathan said quietly as he raked his fingers through his friend’s hair. He hated that Justin seemed to be reverting back to how he was when he was with Derek. “Tell me what the hell happened.”
“Derek is Brian’s big shot client from New York. He’s been fucking him the whole damn time. He’s the reason I decided to leave.”
“Justin.” Nathan sighed. “Don’t you think that, maybe, instead of kicking Brian out that you should have talked to him about this instead?”
“Why the hell should I?” Justin asked as he pulled himself out of Nathan’s grasp and stood up. A feeling of betrayal coursed through him. “There is nothing to fucking talk about! He didn’t try and deny anything. He didn’t have to. It was written all over his face!”
“Jus—” Nathan stood up to face his friend.
“No! He went into my home. He fucked my boyfriend in our bed! That’s the kind of person he is,” Justin exclaimed as he paced the living room. “He doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. All he cares about is getting his dick sucked.”
“Justin, you know that’s not true. You need to calm down.”
“Don’t you dare fucking tell me to calm down,” he spat. “I listened to you. I trusted you. You kept defending him. Hell, you’re still fucking defending him!”
“I’m not fucking defending him!” Nathan yelled. “I’m trying to make you see reason here.”
“What the fuck for?” Justin asked as he shook his head. “Everything we have been through has been tainted. It’s all fucked up and means nothing now!”
“You know you don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do. I have to. If I mean it then it won’t hurt.” Justin swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
“But you need to feel it so you can get past this,” Nathan said as he tentatively took Justin in his arms. “Fuck. I should have just told you when the asshole called.” As soon as the words left his lips he felt Justin stiffen in his arms. He tried to keep his grasp, but the blonde jerked free. He watched with pain-filled eyes as his friend started pacing the living room again.
Justin took a deep breath and turned to face his best friend. “He called and you didn’t fucking tell me? How could you do that?! You know what I went through; you know everything! And you sure as hell know how I feel about honesty. Why, Nathan?” Justin asked as he shook his head in disbelief. “You were the one person I thought I could always count on. The only person I trusted completely.”
Nathan started toward his friend but stopped short when Justin’s hand came up and held him at a distance. “I never meant to hurt you.”
Justin glared at Nathan. “Get out.”
Nathan shook his head. “You know I cant do that.”
Justin gritted his teeth and raised his voice. “I said. Get. The. Fuck. Out!”
“No. I won’t leave you. Nothing you can say or do will make me leave you like this,” he said as he raked his fingers through his hair.
“Fine.” Justin headed to the door. “You stay, I’ll leave.”
“I’m sorry,” Nathan said as he grabbed Justin’s arm and turned him around. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you. I just wanted to protect you.”
Justin looked his friend in the eyes before he covered his face to suppress the sobs that were escaping him. His entire body was exhausted and he felt his legs give away. He fell, but was caught in a pair of strong arms before he could make contact with the floor. “I can’t do it again, Nathan, I can’t. I won’t survive it this time.”
“Yes you will, Justin. I’ll help you. I’m always going to be here for you. You won’t go through this alone,” Nathan whispered in his friend’s ear. He felt Justin’s arms wrap around his neck and he decided to take him to the bedroom.
He laid his friend on the bed and held him in his arms until he was sure he was asleep. He carefully stripped Justin down to his underwear and placed him under the covers. He looked down at the sleeping boy and brushed the hair off his forehead. He took a deep breath and headed to the living room. He sat down on the couch and reached for Justin’s cell phone. He hoped he was making the right decision.
~~~~~
The sound of the door opening brought Nathan out of his trance. He stood up and waited for Brian to close the door before speaking. “Sit,” he said as he motioned to the couch.
Brian took off his coat and sat down on the couch. He looked up at Nathan. “Thanks for calling me.”
“You have one fucking chance to make this right. Just one. If you fuck this up it might as well be the last fucking thing you ever do.”
“I’m not going to fuck it up,” Brian replied indignantly.
“Good. Because I’m basically betraying my best friend’s trust by having you here. The only reason you are, is because I know that he is better with you than without you. But, if you happen to prove me wrong, so help me God, there won’t be a place on the planet where you’ll be able to hide from me.”
“I never meant to hurt him.”
“But you did, Brian,” Nathan told the older man. “When he left Derek he didn’t cry or get upset. He just left. All he told me was that he was moving to Pittsburgh and to call him. He was just…indifferent. With you, though, I’ve never seen him like this.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “You have to fix this. You have to fix him. If you don’t think you can, then tell me now.”
“I’m gonna try,” Brian said as he stood up.
“Okay. I’m gonna go now,” Nathan said as he put on his coat and opened the door. “Remember what I said.”
“I will,” Brian said as he closed the door and headed to the bedroom. He couldn’t help but wonder what happened to his life. A couple months ago he wouldn’t be caught dead hoping that some twink would forgive him for fucking his ex-boyfriend. He’d just tell them to suck it up and fuck off. He walked slowly to the bed, his eyes trained on the blonde’s tear-stained face. He stripped down to his underwear and slid beneath the covers. He pulled the small frame against his body and wondered how he was going to fix the mess he was in.
Justin instinctively snuggled against the solid warm body. He rubbed his cheek on the smooth shoulder and hugged the warmth tightly. He breathed deeply. “Why am I never enough for the man I love?”
Brian’s breath hitched and he tightened his hold on the blonde. He could feel the wetness from Justin’s tears on his skin as he rubbed small soothing circles on the boy’s back. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. What have I done to you? His conversation with Derek kept replaying in his head and he couldn’t help but think that he quite possibly fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him. Maybe it was true. Maybe you really could fuck yourself.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 06:37 pm (UTC)UFFFF, I was burning with rage....wish that Brian can help Justin with his fears.
Wonderful chapter ,my friend.
Now ,I need to die waiting for another chapter.LOL
Hugs you,
Liri
no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:04 pm (UTC)Derek will get what is coming to him soon. He really is an asshole. A new chapter will be coming soon.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:08 pm (UTC)Derek will soon get what's coming to him.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:09 pm (UTC)*whistles and walks away quickly*
no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 09:56 pm (UTC)I hope Justin will give a chance to Brian to fix this
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-14 11:59 pm (UTC)Shocking.
Brilliant as well of course ;o)
no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 08:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 02:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-15 08:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-16 03:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-17 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-18 04:55 am (UTC)But I still love you and this story. Nothing could possibly stop me from reading this and loving every word of it, no matter how sad it gets!
And just so you know, the only thing keeping me hooked is your talent and way with words. *wink, wink*
;)
no subject
Date: 2007-02-18 09:33 am (UTC)Well, you gotta have some angst. Right? :D
no subject
Date: 2011-07-19 02:18 am (UTC)