Smile Like You Mean It 19/20
Jan. 19th, 2009 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
oh_ameliaTitle: Smile Like You Mean It
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hsbfc
Beta:elyxer
Chapter: 19/20
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: mpreg, crack!fic, cross-dressing, squick, Passions inspired. So not everything has to make sense. And since COWLIP can make things up I don't see why I can't.
Summary: It’s all about decisions, and how they can change your life. This is an AU of my AU fic The Perfidious Lover. You don't need to have read it to get this though. Just know that Nathan is MINE! :) *sees Rena coming and runs for my life!*
Disclaimer: QUEER AS FOLK is property of COWLIP and SHOWTIME. I own nothing.
Author’s Note: I don’t know what made me write a fic about everything I normally try to avoid, but I just couldn’t help it. No offense is meant to the people who LIKE to write serious mpreg fics. This is all in good fun.
Author’s Note 2: Remember…this is a CRACK!FIC and things are supposed to be cracky! So if things get a little odd…well, I’m coming up with ideas as I write. And things that seem ridiculous in this fic…well, just remember all the things COWLIP came up with!
Author’s Note 3: You MIGHT want to have a plastic bag or a trash can handy…in case you feel the urge to puke. Which you might later on in the chapter. *EVIL LAUGH* Longest chapter yet! OMG!
Status: WIP
PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18
A Few More Weeks Later…
“So, have you thought about investments?” Ted asked Michael over breakfast one morning. “It’s never too early to start saving for your child’s future. Just think about the cost of college in 18 years.”
“I can barely keep money in my savings account,” Michael answered glumly. “I don’t have enough right now to start any investments.”
“Don’t worry about that, Michael,” David said. “I’ve already started a college fund and a just-for-fun fund.”
“What you need to be thinking about right now, Michael, is what kind of yummy baby food do you want me to whip up for your little girl?”
“Baby food?” Michael asked.
“Yeah, it’ll be organic, nutritious, and delicious,” Emmett answered.
“Emmett, the baby won’t be eating baby food for at least a couple months or so after she’s born,” Ted commented.
“Yeah, I know that,” Emmett said, shaking his head. “But it’ll take me at least that long to perfect the recipes for little Emmettlina.”
“How long could it take?” Ted asked. “You steam some veggies and then put them in the blender. Voila, you have homemade baby food. And Emmettlina?”
“What?” Emmett asked with faux innocence.
“That is like one of the worst names ever,” Michael commented good naturedly.
“Would you prefer Emmettline?”
“I have my name picked out already,” Michael said. “And it is absolutely perfect.”
“What is it?” Ted asked.
“I’m not telling.”
“C’mon, why not?” Emmett pouted.
“I want it to be a surprise.”
“I bet I can guess what it’s gonna be,” Ted said.
“And what would that be?” Michael asked.
“Zatanna Zatara,” Ted answered.
“Good guess, but no.” Michael shook his head. “Even I wouldn’t saddle my kid with that name.”
“Please,” Brian said as he sat down in the booth, followed by Justin, “he’s obviously gonna name the kid after a more well known superhero.”
“Like who? Wonder Woman?” Justin asked.
“I’m not gonna name my daughter after a superhero,” Michael said, shaking his head.
“I know what you’re naming your daughter,” Nathan said as he took a seat, leaning back against the counter.
“Yeah, right,” Michael scoffed.
“Please.” Nathan smirked. “It is so blindingly obvious - what it is that you all have decided - that it’s too obvious to be the most obvious choice.”
“And what is the most obvious of obvious choices?” Brian asked.
“I don’t want to do that to Michael,” Nathan answered. “If he wants to keep it a secret, then the least I can do after everything else I’ve done, is respect his wishes.”
“You are so full of shit,” Brian concluded.
“Oh really?” Nathan asked as he stood up and placed his palms on the table. He leaned over and whispered something into Michael’s ear, reveling in satisfaction when he heard a slight gasp come from the man.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Michael asked.
“Simple deduction skills,” Nathan answered.
“Come on, tell us,” Emmett pleaded. “It’s gonna come out eventually.”
“Thanks for the visual, Emmett,” Ted said, pushing his pudding away from himself.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Teddy,” Emmett said, playfully swatting his friend on the arm.
“My mind isn’t in the gutter. It’s on babies and birth, and things coming out.”
“Oh, my God,” Michael said suddenly, gripping the table.
“Oh, my God,” Brian said, trying to remain calm. “Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is?”
“Yeah, it is.” Michael nodded.
“Oh, my God!” Emmett shrieked. He quickly pushed Ted out of the booth and twisted around to look at the back of his pants. “You’re water broke! I’m all wet! My pants!”
“You’re all wet,” Brian scoffed. “I have bodily fluid all over my new Prada boots.”
“Guys, focus!” Justin exclaimed. “We have to get Michael to the hospital. Now!”
“I thought you weren’t due for another couple of weeks or so,” Ted said frantically as he took some money out of his wallet to pay for breakfast.
“Neither did I!” Michael exclaimed. “At least…I don’t think I’m supposed to be.”
“You don’t know what your due date is?” Brian asked incredulously.
“Did you know when Gus was supposed to be born?” Michael retorted.
“No.” Brian shook his head. “But I didn’t carry Gus for nine fucking months either.”
“How can you not know when your child is due?” Ted asked as he helped lead Michael out to his car. “I thought you would’ve had the date marked on the calendar or something.”
“I’ve been a bit preoccupied lately,” Michael replied through gritted teeth.
“Sweetie, do you want us to call David for you?” Emmett asked.
“Yeah,” Michael answered through bouts of pain. “And call Ma. She’d kill me if she wasn’t there for the birth of her granddaughter.”
“Should we call Ben?” Ted asked after he closed the passenger door for Michael.
“I’ll give him a call and tell him what’s happening,” Nathan said. “He’ll probably want to be there.”
“Are you gonna come?” Ted asked Brian. “You know he’d want you there.”
“We’ll be there,” Justin answered. “Just…give us a little time.”
“Alright. See you all there.”
~~oo00oo~~
“Where’s David?” Emmett asked as he paced the floor in the waiting room. “He should have been here by now.”
“He’ll be here,” Brian said as he grabbed Emmett by the wrist and pulled him down in the chair next to him. “And stop pacing; you’re bugging the shit out of me.”
“Look, there he is,” Justin said, pointing down the hall.
“Hey, guys,” David said as he approached. “Is Michael back there?”
“Uh, yeah,” Emmett said as he stood up and pushed David towards the nurse’s station. “He’s in room 231. Veronica can show you to the room.”
“Thanks.” David nodded and followed Veronica through the double doors and down the hall.
Twenty Minutes Later
“Michael’s a father now,” David said as he came back out into the waiting room. “And I’m a father again.”
“Don’t keep us in suspense any longer,” Emmett said. “What did Michael name the baby?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s another thing,” David said as he ran his fingers through his sparsely covered head. “It seems that the doctors made a teensy little mistake when they were doing the ultrasounds.”
“What kind of ‘teensy little mistake’ did they make?” Ted asked.
“It turns out that I don’t have a new daughter, but a brand new son,” David answered.
“Oh, my God,” Emmett exclaimed. “How were they not able to tell that Michael was pregnant with a boy and not a girl?”
“He took after his fathers?” Nathan suggested.
“Shut up,” Justin said, trying to hide his smirk as he elbowed Nathan.
“It happens sometimes,” David said, giving Nathan a dirty look, before turning his attention back to Emmett and Ted. “But the important thing is that the baby is here and healthy.”
“Didn’t Michael have a name picked out for a boy, too?” Emmett asked.
“He had a whole page full of names for boys. So it might be a little while longer before we have a name,” David said. “Where’s Deb? I thought she’d be here with bells and whistles.”
“Ladies’ room,” Emmett answered. “She should be back any second now.”
“Good, good.” David nodded. “Well, as soon as she—”
“David!” Debbie shrieked. “You’re back! That must mean my Michael had that little bundle of joy. Why didn’t one of you come to get me?”
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Deb,” Brian said, sitting up straight. “You didn’t miss anything.”
“Well, when can I see my granddaughter?” Debbie asked.
“You can’t,” Dr. Lopez said as he entered the waiting room. “But,” he added before Debbie could say anything, “you can go see your new grandson.”
“Grandson?!” Debbie screeched. “David, what the hell is he talking about?”
“Apparently there was something missed on the sonogram,” David said, shrugging his shoulders and running his fingers over his face.
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with all the girl clothes I bought?” Debbie asked Dr. Lopez, her hand on her hip. “I have a house full of pink baby clothes!”
“I’m terribly sorry, ma’am,” Dr. Lopez said as he slowly backed out of the waiting area. “Perhaps you can take them back and get a refund. Or exchange them for some little boy’s clothes.”
“I’ve already washed them,” Debbie said, stepping closer to the doctor.
“We’ll figure something out, Deb,” David said as he wrapped his arm around Debbie’s shoulders.
“Of course,” Emmett said, standing up. “I know some tailors who can do fabulous dye jobs.”
“Fantastic! Problem solved,” Dr. Lopez said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Now let’s go see that little baby.”
~~oo00oo~~
“So what do you think about that name?” Michael asked the nurse as she took his vitals. “Do you think it is too…you know?”
“I like it okay,” the nurse said. “Fitting for your son, I’d say.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael asked, frowning.
“I mean, I know who you are,” the nurse answered. “My brother hangs out on Liberty all the time. From what he tells me, he practically lives in your comic shop.”
“Oh.” Michael nodded. “Okay.”
“So, do you want to call down so they can put the name on the birth certificate?”
“I want to say yes, but I really need to discuss it with David first,” Michael said hesitantly. “He does deserve some say in what we name the little guy.”
“Michael, how are you?” Debbie exclaimed as she burst into the room. “Where’s that baby?”
“Over here,” Michael said, patting the side of a bassinette. “And don’t yell. It’ll scare him.”
“And just why does this baby name card read Baby Boy Novotny? I thought you had already decided on a name.”
“We did, but the name we decided on was for a girl, not a boy,” Michael answered.
“Bet you can’t guess this one,” Emmett said as he bumped Nathan with his hip.
“Nope.” Nathan shook his head. “There are too many possibilities. The time it would take to analyze and process everything…it’d be endless.”
“Then how’d you figure out the other name?” Ted asked.
“And you call yourselves friends,” Nathan joked, shaking his head.
“Where’s Brian?” Michael asked as he looked around the room.
“Don’t worry, honey, he’s here,” Debbie said as she fluffed Michael’s pillows. “He is just waiting with Justin down in the visitor’s area for Ben.”
“Okay,” Michael said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Oh, I know what we can do!” Emmett said, clapping his hands. “We can all pick out a name, put it in a hat, then Michael or David can draw one out, and that’ll be the baby’s name!”
“I don’t think so.”
“That’s a terrible idea.”
“Not gonna happen.”
“I actually do have something in mind for the name, but I really want to discuss it with David first, before I make my decision,” Michael said.
“No, Michael.” David shook his head. “I agreed that you could choose whatever name you wanted for the baby…within reason of course.”
“Are you sure?” Michael asked. “I mean, you are the other father of our child.”
“Actually, ahem,” Dr. Russell said, stepping into the room, “that’s something I need to speak with you about. Privately, of course.”
“Is there something wrong?” David asked.
“Anything you have to say you can say in front of them,” Michael said. “They’ll harass me to tell them later anyway, so it’ll save me the time.”
“After some quick, in depth tests, we’ve discovered that Dr. David Cameron is not the father of your baby,” Dr. Russell said in his best Maury Povich voice.
“What? How is that even possible?” Michael asked. “I thought you did blood tests to confirm for a fact that he was the father.”
“We did, we did.” Dr. Russell nodded. “But I think that was the week when everyone was out sick and we were sent a lot of interns.”
“Interns should know enough to not make a screw-up like that,” Michael reasoned.
“Under normal circumstances, yes, I agree,” Dr. Russell said. “But every now and then you get a bad batch.”
“This is completely unacceptable!” Debbie shrieked. “Something must be done!”
“Everything will be done to ensure that we find out who is the father of Mr. Novotny’s child,” Dr. Russell assured Debbie. “Now,” he said, turning his attention back to Michael, “do you remember any other encounters you might have possibly had within the timeframe that you were with Dr. Cameron?”
“I know I didn’t sleep with anyone else! And I know that I didn’t magically get pregnant on my own.”
“Well—”
“Wait, could I get pregnant on my own? I have the sperm…and I know I did do a lot of masturbating while Ben was gone on his trip.”
“No, Mr. Novotny.” Dr. Russell shook his head. “There is no way that you could have impregnated yourself.”
“So then how will you find out who the father is?” David asked.
“We don’t know. All we can tell you now is that we’re trying with all our might to figure it out. I’m terribly sorry,” Dr. Russell apologized before leaving the room.
“So how ‘bout that name?” David asked, trying to change the subject.
“David…” Michael said, rubbing David’s arm.
“No, no.” David shook his head. “Let’s hear this baby name you’ve picked out.”
“Benjamin Cameron Novotny,” Michael replied.
“That sounds like a perfect name,” Debbie said with a smile.
“Hope I’m not interrupting.” A nurse entered the room carrying a tray loaded with a small plate of easy digestible food and a cup of tapioca pudding. “It’s time for lunch.”
“Thank you! I’m starving,” Michael said as he sat up and rubbed his hands together.
“Enjoy.”
“I will,” Michael said, not paying attention to the nurse when she exited the room. He was really in the mood for something sweet, so he decided to star with the tapioca pudding first. Tearing off the lid, he was ready to dig right in when he was suddenly flooded with memories. “Oh, my God,” he said, dropping the pudding cup on the tray.
“What is it, Michael?” David asked. “Are you in pain? Do we need to get the doctor?”
“No, no. I’m fine. No pain, no doctor,” Michael muttered.
“Well, what is it then?” Debbie asked frantically.
“I think I know who the father of my baby is,” Michael answered.
“Who?!”
“I think maybe I should tell him first before I say anything,” Michael said. “Right?”
“Or, you can tell us, and we can suggest the best way to go about breaking the news to the lucky guy,” Ted suggested.
“Theodore, I think that’s the most brilliant idea to ever come out of your mouth,” Nathan said, patting Ted on the back.
“Yeah, c’mon, please!” Emmett begged.
“Well,” Michael sighed as he looked towards David. “What do you think?”
“It’s up to you,” David said, shrugging.
“Alright, I’ll tell you guys,” Michael conceded. “It all started about nine months ago…”
About Nine Months Ago via Michael’s POV
It was probably the second night before Ben was supposed to get back. I was still feeling incredibly guilty about sleeping with David. Especially since I knew that we didn’t use a condom. My nerves were fried, and I couldn’t sit still.
I did the only thing I could think of that would help me calm down…I drank. And I drank, and I drank, and I drank. I probably emptied the majority of our liquor supply. The only thing I didn’t count on was getting horny. I drank and I thought about Ben, and the next thing I knew I was in a predicament I needed to get myself out of.
I don’t know how I got to where I did, but I ended up with a jar of a slippery consistency. At the time I thought it was some lube I had forgotten about. Or some new kind that Ben bought. So anyway, I ended up using it to help prepare myself.
I’m guessing, since I was incredibly inebriated at the time, that I was incredibly liberal with it. I used it to open myself up. I used it to slick the vibrator. I think at one point, I dipped the vibrator in the ‘lube’ to help things along. And I guess the vibration along with everything else is what caused all of this to be possible.
Back in the Present
“I don’t think we follow,” Nathan said, raising an eyebrow.
“It was the pudding that made me remember,” Michael said as he took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I even forgot.”
“Michael, stop with the theatrics!” Emmett exclaimed. “Tell us!”
“Ben told me that when he knew he was gay, he knew that having a biological father was that less likely to happen. So, he went to a sperm bank and made a super sized donation so that if ever in the future he would meet someone that he knew he wanted to have a family with, he’d be prepared for it immediately.
“He is sometimes a bit shy when it comes down to the wire. He tenses up and well…you know. Anyway, I don’t know why, but one day he was just feeling really angry and confused and there was just so much going on that I think he was getting a bit crazy.
“When I came home one night he was on the couch with a jar in his hand. He told me everything and then went to bed. It was a deep, intense conversation, so afterwards I was completely exhausted. I told him to go ahead to bed and I would make sure everything was in order for the night.
I guess my brain wasn’t working at full capacity, because I don’t even remember putting the jar of Ben’s old sperm in the refrigerator. Eventually, I guess, it just got moved around until it was hiding in the back. Which is why I can’t seem to understand how I ended up with it that night.”
“Wait a minute!” Debbie exclaimed. “Are you telling us that you got pregnant from an old jar of Ben’s spunk?!”
“How’s that even possible?” Emmett asked. “Wouldn’t it have gone bad by then? I thought they kept stuff like that in a deep freeze to preserve them or something.”
“Well, even if that is true, you have to remember that Michael, who is a man, just had a baby! One that he carried himself for close to nine months,” Ted argued.
“It’s just one miracle right after another,” Debbie cried. “This is wonderful!”
“Okay, I told you guys everything.” Michael nodded. “Now, who is gonna help me figure out how I’m gonna break this to Ben?”
“Knock, knock,” Brian said as he opened the door. “Lookie who I found wandering around the halls.”
“Ben,” Michael said, gulping down the huge lump that formed in his throat.
“Hey, Michael, how’re you doing?” Justin asked.
“Good, I’m fine. Couldn’t be better,” Michael answered robotically, not taking his eyes off of Ben.
“Michael, hi,” Ben said as he hesitantly moved closer.
“You know what guys, why don’t we give them some privacy,” David suggested.
“No, it was just getting even better!” Emmett playfully pouted.
“C’mon, Emmett,” Ted said, hooking his arm with his friend’s. “You can harass Michael later about everything. Just think…you’ll have that much more time to think of everything you want to ask him.”
“Oh, alright.” Emmett nodded. “Okay. Later honey.”
“I’ll come by later, baby, and help you get home,” Deb said, leaving no room for argument.
“Of course, Ma.” Michael nodded. “I’ll give you a call.”
A Lengthy Informative Conversation Later…
“I don’t know what to say,” Ben said, rubbing his face with his hands.
“Yep,” Michael agreed, nodding his head. “So, where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know, Michael,” Ben sighed. “I just don’t know.”
Chapter 18 | Chapter 20
Author:
hsbfc Beta:
elyxerChapter: 19/20
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: mpreg, crack!fic, cross-dressing, squick, Passions inspired. So not everything has to make sense. And since COWLIP can make things up I don't see why I can't.
Summary: It’s all about decisions, and how they can change your life. This is an AU of my AU fic The Perfidious Lover. You don't need to have read it to get this though. Just know that Nathan is MINE! :) *sees Rena coming and runs for my life!*
Disclaimer: QUEER AS FOLK is property of COWLIP and SHOWTIME. I own nothing.
Author’s Note: I don’t know what made me write a fic about everything I normally try to avoid, but I just couldn’t help it. No offense is meant to the people who LIKE to write serious mpreg fics. This is all in good fun.
Author’s Note 2: Remember…this is a CRACK!FIC and things are supposed to be cracky! So if things get a little odd…well, I’m coming up with ideas as I write. And things that seem ridiculous in this fic…well, just remember all the things COWLIP came up with!
Author’s Note 3: You MIGHT want to have a plastic bag or a trash can handy…in case you feel the urge to puke. Which you might later on in the chapter. *EVIL LAUGH* Longest chapter yet! OMG!
Status: WIP
PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18
A Few More Weeks Later…
“So, have you thought about investments?” Ted asked Michael over breakfast one morning. “It’s never too early to start saving for your child’s future. Just think about the cost of college in 18 years.”
“I can barely keep money in my savings account,” Michael answered glumly. “I don’t have enough right now to start any investments.”
“Don’t worry about that, Michael,” David said. “I’ve already started a college fund and a just-for-fun fund.”
“What you need to be thinking about right now, Michael, is what kind of yummy baby food do you want me to whip up for your little girl?”
“Baby food?” Michael asked.
“Yeah, it’ll be organic, nutritious, and delicious,” Emmett answered.
“Emmett, the baby won’t be eating baby food for at least a couple months or so after she’s born,” Ted commented.
“Yeah, I know that,” Emmett said, shaking his head. “But it’ll take me at least that long to perfect the recipes for little Emmettlina.”
“How long could it take?” Ted asked. “You steam some veggies and then put them in the blender. Voila, you have homemade baby food. And Emmettlina?”
“What?” Emmett asked with faux innocence.
“That is like one of the worst names ever,” Michael commented good naturedly.
“Would you prefer Emmettline?”
“I have my name picked out already,” Michael said. “And it is absolutely perfect.”
“What is it?” Ted asked.
“I’m not telling.”
“C’mon, why not?” Emmett pouted.
“I want it to be a surprise.”
“I bet I can guess what it’s gonna be,” Ted said.
“And what would that be?” Michael asked.
“Zatanna Zatara,” Ted answered.
“Good guess, but no.” Michael shook his head. “Even I wouldn’t saddle my kid with that name.”
“Please,” Brian said as he sat down in the booth, followed by Justin, “he’s obviously gonna name the kid after a more well known superhero.”
“Like who? Wonder Woman?” Justin asked.
“I’m not gonna name my daughter after a superhero,” Michael said, shaking his head.
“I know what you’re naming your daughter,” Nathan said as he took a seat, leaning back against the counter.
“Yeah, right,” Michael scoffed.
“Please.” Nathan smirked. “It is so blindingly obvious - what it is that you all have decided - that it’s too obvious to be the most obvious choice.”
“And what is the most obvious of obvious choices?” Brian asked.
“I don’t want to do that to Michael,” Nathan answered. “If he wants to keep it a secret, then the least I can do after everything else I’ve done, is respect his wishes.”
“You are so full of shit,” Brian concluded.
“Oh really?” Nathan asked as he stood up and placed his palms on the table. He leaned over and whispered something into Michael’s ear, reveling in satisfaction when he heard a slight gasp come from the man.
“How the fuck do you know that?” Michael asked.
“Simple deduction skills,” Nathan answered.
“Come on, tell us,” Emmett pleaded. “It’s gonna come out eventually.”
“Thanks for the visual, Emmett,” Ted said, pushing his pudding away from himself.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Teddy,” Emmett said, playfully swatting his friend on the arm.
“My mind isn’t in the gutter. It’s on babies and birth, and things coming out.”
“Oh, my God,” Michael said suddenly, gripping the table.
“Oh, my God,” Brian said, trying to remain calm. “Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is?”
“Yeah, it is.” Michael nodded.
“Oh, my God!” Emmett shrieked. He quickly pushed Ted out of the booth and twisted around to look at the back of his pants. “You’re water broke! I’m all wet! My pants!”
“You’re all wet,” Brian scoffed. “I have bodily fluid all over my new Prada boots.”
“Guys, focus!” Justin exclaimed. “We have to get Michael to the hospital. Now!”
“I thought you weren’t due for another couple of weeks or so,” Ted said frantically as he took some money out of his wallet to pay for breakfast.
“Neither did I!” Michael exclaimed. “At least…I don’t think I’m supposed to be.”
“You don’t know what your due date is?” Brian asked incredulously.
“Did you know when Gus was supposed to be born?” Michael retorted.
“No.” Brian shook his head. “But I didn’t carry Gus for nine fucking months either.”
“How can you not know when your child is due?” Ted asked as he helped lead Michael out to his car. “I thought you would’ve had the date marked on the calendar or something.”
“I’ve been a bit preoccupied lately,” Michael replied through gritted teeth.
“Sweetie, do you want us to call David for you?” Emmett asked.
“Yeah,” Michael answered through bouts of pain. “And call Ma. She’d kill me if she wasn’t there for the birth of her granddaughter.”
“Should we call Ben?” Ted asked after he closed the passenger door for Michael.
“I’ll give him a call and tell him what’s happening,” Nathan said. “He’ll probably want to be there.”
“Are you gonna come?” Ted asked Brian. “You know he’d want you there.”
“We’ll be there,” Justin answered. “Just…give us a little time.”
“Alright. See you all there.”
“Where’s David?” Emmett asked as he paced the floor in the waiting room. “He should have been here by now.”
“He’ll be here,” Brian said as he grabbed Emmett by the wrist and pulled him down in the chair next to him. “And stop pacing; you’re bugging the shit out of me.”
“Look, there he is,” Justin said, pointing down the hall.
“Hey, guys,” David said as he approached. “Is Michael back there?”
“Uh, yeah,” Emmett said as he stood up and pushed David towards the nurse’s station. “He’s in room 231. Veronica can show you to the room.”
“Thanks.” David nodded and followed Veronica through the double doors and down the hall.
Twenty Minutes Later
“Michael’s a father now,” David said as he came back out into the waiting room. “And I’m a father again.”
“Don’t keep us in suspense any longer,” Emmett said. “What did Michael name the baby?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s another thing,” David said as he ran his fingers through his sparsely covered head. “It seems that the doctors made a teensy little mistake when they were doing the ultrasounds.”
“What kind of ‘teensy little mistake’ did they make?” Ted asked.
“It turns out that I don’t have a new daughter, but a brand new son,” David answered.
“Oh, my God,” Emmett exclaimed. “How were they not able to tell that Michael was pregnant with a boy and not a girl?”
“He took after his fathers?” Nathan suggested.
“Shut up,” Justin said, trying to hide his smirk as he elbowed Nathan.
“It happens sometimes,” David said, giving Nathan a dirty look, before turning his attention back to Emmett and Ted. “But the important thing is that the baby is here and healthy.”
“Didn’t Michael have a name picked out for a boy, too?” Emmett asked.
“He had a whole page full of names for boys. So it might be a little while longer before we have a name,” David said. “Where’s Deb? I thought she’d be here with bells and whistles.”
“Ladies’ room,” Emmett answered. “She should be back any second now.”
“Good, good.” David nodded. “Well, as soon as she—”
“David!” Debbie shrieked. “You’re back! That must mean my Michael had that little bundle of joy. Why didn’t one of you come to get me?”
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Deb,” Brian said, sitting up straight. “You didn’t miss anything.”
“Well, when can I see my granddaughter?” Debbie asked.
“You can’t,” Dr. Lopez said as he entered the waiting room. “But,” he added before Debbie could say anything, “you can go see your new grandson.”
“Grandson?!” Debbie screeched. “David, what the hell is he talking about?”
“Apparently there was something missed on the sonogram,” David said, shrugging his shoulders and running his fingers over his face.
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do with all the girl clothes I bought?” Debbie asked Dr. Lopez, her hand on her hip. “I have a house full of pink baby clothes!”
“I’m terribly sorry, ma’am,” Dr. Lopez said as he slowly backed out of the waiting area. “Perhaps you can take them back and get a refund. Or exchange them for some little boy’s clothes.”
“I’ve already washed them,” Debbie said, stepping closer to the doctor.
“We’ll figure something out, Deb,” David said as he wrapped his arm around Debbie’s shoulders.
“Of course,” Emmett said, standing up. “I know some tailors who can do fabulous dye jobs.”
“Fantastic! Problem solved,” Dr. Lopez said, throwing his hands up in the air. “Now let’s go see that little baby.”
“So what do you think about that name?” Michael asked the nurse as she took his vitals. “Do you think it is too…you know?”
“I like it okay,” the nurse said. “Fitting for your son, I’d say.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Michael asked, frowning.
“I mean, I know who you are,” the nurse answered. “My brother hangs out on Liberty all the time. From what he tells me, he practically lives in your comic shop.”
“Oh.” Michael nodded. “Okay.”
“So, do you want to call down so they can put the name on the birth certificate?”
“I want to say yes, but I really need to discuss it with David first,” Michael said hesitantly. “He does deserve some say in what we name the little guy.”
“Michael, how are you?” Debbie exclaimed as she burst into the room. “Where’s that baby?”
“Over here,” Michael said, patting the side of a bassinette. “And don’t yell. It’ll scare him.”
“And just why does this baby name card read Baby Boy Novotny? I thought you had already decided on a name.”
“We did, but the name we decided on was for a girl, not a boy,” Michael answered.
“Bet you can’t guess this one,” Emmett said as he bumped Nathan with his hip.
“Nope.” Nathan shook his head. “There are too many possibilities. The time it would take to analyze and process everything…it’d be endless.”
“Then how’d you figure out the other name?” Ted asked.
“And you call yourselves friends,” Nathan joked, shaking his head.
“Where’s Brian?” Michael asked as he looked around the room.
“Don’t worry, honey, he’s here,” Debbie said as she fluffed Michael’s pillows. “He is just waiting with Justin down in the visitor’s area for Ben.”
“Okay,” Michael said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Oh, I know what we can do!” Emmett said, clapping his hands. “We can all pick out a name, put it in a hat, then Michael or David can draw one out, and that’ll be the baby’s name!”
“I don’t think so.”
“That’s a terrible idea.”
“Not gonna happen.”
“I actually do have something in mind for the name, but I really want to discuss it with David first, before I make my decision,” Michael said.
“No, Michael.” David shook his head. “I agreed that you could choose whatever name you wanted for the baby…within reason of course.”
“Are you sure?” Michael asked. “I mean, you are the other father of our child.”
“Actually, ahem,” Dr. Russell said, stepping into the room, “that’s something I need to speak with you about. Privately, of course.”
“Is there something wrong?” David asked.
“Anything you have to say you can say in front of them,” Michael said. “They’ll harass me to tell them later anyway, so it’ll save me the time.”
“After some quick, in depth tests, we’ve discovered that Dr. David Cameron is not the father of your baby,” Dr. Russell said in his best Maury Povich voice.
“What? How is that even possible?” Michael asked. “I thought you did blood tests to confirm for a fact that he was the father.”
“We did, we did.” Dr. Russell nodded. “But I think that was the week when everyone was out sick and we were sent a lot of interns.”
“Interns should know enough to not make a screw-up like that,” Michael reasoned.
“Under normal circumstances, yes, I agree,” Dr. Russell said. “But every now and then you get a bad batch.”
“This is completely unacceptable!” Debbie shrieked. “Something must be done!”
“Everything will be done to ensure that we find out who is the father of Mr. Novotny’s child,” Dr. Russell assured Debbie. “Now,” he said, turning his attention back to Michael, “do you remember any other encounters you might have possibly had within the timeframe that you were with Dr. Cameron?”
“I know I didn’t sleep with anyone else! And I know that I didn’t magically get pregnant on my own.”
“Well—”
“Wait, could I get pregnant on my own? I have the sperm…and I know I did do a lot of masturbating while Ben was gone on his trip.”
“No, Mr. Novotny.” Dr. Russell shook his head. “There is no way that you could have impregnated yourself.”
“So then how will you find out who the father is?” David asked.
“We don’t know. All we can tell you now is that we’re trying with all our might to figure it out. I’m terribly sorry,” Dr. Russell apologized before leaving the room.
“So how ‘bout that name?” David asked, trying to change the subject.
“David…” Michael said, rubbing David’s arm.
“No, no.” David shook his head. “Let’s hear this baby name you’ve picked out.”
“Benjamin Cameron Novotny,” Michael replied.
“That sounds like a perfect name,” Debbie said with a smile.
“Hope I’m not interrupting.” A nurse entered the room carrying a tray loaded with a small plate of easy digestible food and a cup of tapioca pudding. “It’s time for lunch.”
“Thank you! I’m starving,” Michael said as he sat up and rubbed his hands together.
“Enjoy.”
“I will,” Michael said, not paying attention to the nurse when she exited the room. He was really in the mood for something sweet, so he decided to star with the tapioca pudding first. Tearing off the lid, he was ready to dig right in when he was suddenly flooded with memories. “Oh, my God,” he said, dropping the pudding cup on the tray.
“What is it, Michael?” David asked. “Are you in pain? Do we need to get the doctor?”
“No, no. I’m fine. No pain, no doctor,” Michael muttered.
“Well, what is it then?” Debbie asked frantically.
“I think I know who the father of my baby is,” Michael answered.
“Who?!”
“I think maybe I should tell him first before I say anything,” Michael said. “Right?”
“Or, you can tell us, and we can suggest the best way to go about breaking the news to the lucky guy,” Ted suggested.
“Theodore, I think that’s the most brilliant idea to ever come out of your mouth,” Nathan said, patting Ted on the back.
“Yeah, c’mon, please!” Emmett begged.
“Well,” Michael sighed as he looked towards David. “What do you think?”
“It’s up to you,” David said, shrugging.
“Alright, I’ll tell you guys,” Michael conceded. “It all started about nine months ago…”
About Nine Months Ago via Michael’s POV
It was probably the second night before Ben was supposed to get back. I was still feeling incredibly guilty about sleeping with David. Especially since I knew that we didn’t use a condom. My nerves were fried, and I couldn’t sit still.
I did the only thing I could think of that would help me calm down…I drank. And I drank, and I drank, and I drank. I probably emptied the majority of our liquor supply. The only thing I didn’t count on was getting horny. I drank and I thought about Ben, and the next thing I knew I was in a predicament I needed to get myself out of.
I don’t know how I got to where I did, but I ended up with a jar of a slippery consistency. At the time I thought it was some lube I had forgotten about. Or some new kind that Ben bought. So anyway, I ended up using it to help prepare myself.
I’m guessing, since I was incredibly inebriated at the time, that I was incredibly liberal with it. I used it to open myself up. I used it to slick the vibrator. I think at one point, I dipped the vibrator in the ‘lube’ to help things along. And I guess the vibration along with everything else is what caused all of this to be possible.
Back in the Present
“I don’t think we follow,” Nathan said, raising an eyebrow.
“It was the pudding that made me remember,” Michael said as he took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I even forgot.”
“Michael, stop with the theatrics!” Emmett exclaimed. “Tell us!”
“Ben told me that when he knew he was gay, he knew that having a biological father was that less likely to happen. So, he went to a sperm bank and made a super sized donation so that if ever in the future he would meet someone that he knew he wanted to have a family with, he’d be prepared for it immediately.
“He is sometimes a bit shy when it comes down to the wire. He tenses up and well…you know. Anyway, I don’t know why, but one day he was just feeling really angry and confused and there was just so much going on that I think he was getting a bit crazy.
“When I came home one night he was on the couch with a jar in his hand. He told me everything and then went to bed. It was a deep, intense conversation, so afterwards I was completely exhausted. I told him to go ahead to bed and I would make sure everything was in order for the night.
I guess my brain wasn’t working at full capacity, because I don’t even remember putting the jar of Ben’s old sperm in the refrigerator. Eventually, I guess, it just got moved around until it was hiding in the back. Which is why I can’t seem to understand how I ended up with it that night.”
“Wait a minute!” Debbie exclaimed. “Are you telling us that you got pregnant from an old jar of Ben’s spunk?!”
“How’s that even possible?” Emmett asked. “Wouldn’t it have gone bad by then? I thought they kept stuff like that in a deep freeze to preserve them or something.”
“Well, even if that is true, you have to remember that Michael, who is a man, just had a baby! One that he carried himself for close to nine months,” Ted argued.
“It’s just one miracle right after another,” Debbie cried. “This is wonderful!”
“Okay, I told you guys everything.” Michael nodded. “Now, who is gonna help me figure out how I’m gonna break this to Ben?”
“Knock, knock,” Brian said as he opened the door. “Lookie who I found wandering around the halls.”
“Ben,” Michael said, gulping down the huge lump that formed in his throat.
“Hey, Michael, how’re you doing?” Justin asked.
“Good, I’m fine. Couldn’t be better,” Michael answered robotically, not taking his eyes off of Ben.
“Michael, hi,” Ben said as he hesitantly moved closer.
“You know what guys, why don’t we give them some privacy,” David suggested.
“No, it was just getting even better!” Emmett playfully pouted.
“C’mon, Emmett,” Ted said, hooking his arm with his friend’s. “You can harass Michael later about everything. Just think…you’ll have that much more time to think of everything you want to ask him.”
“Oh, alright.” Emmett nodded. “Okay. Later honey.”
“I’ll come by later, baby, and help you get home,” Deb said, leaving no room for argument.
“Of course, Ma.” Michael nodded. “I’ll give you a call.”
A Lengthy Informative Conversation Later…
“I don’t know what to say,” Ben said, rubbing his face with his hands.
“Yep,” Michael agreed, nodding his head. “So, where do we go from here?”
“I don’t know, Michael,” Ben sighed. “I just don’t know.”
